Saturday, February 20, 2010

My Ring is Finally Done!!!

I got a call today from the Jewellers, my ring was ready, so my FH and I went down, I picked a Tahitian pearl, and Ta Da!

My Ring - Fave Shot

Isn't it pretty? I'm so so thrilled!

It's a Tahitian Pearl with a diamond swirl in 14K white gold. I got it at Crawfords in Toronto. They are so very wonderful! I was able to get my ring custom made, just exactly what I wanted!! :D

My Ring - Right Side Perspective
My Ring - Front Side Perspective

I cannot speak highly enough of the people at Crawfords. Leeanne, was so great! She quoted my ring, called me whenever the next step was ready, and helped me throughout the process. Everyone was so helpful, really. I enjoyed the process so much, from seeing the wax, to the rounds or pearl choosing. Leeanne even said if I find, in a few days I don't love the pearl, they will happily find me another pearl! Isn't that just the nicest thing??

My Ring - From the Top

I really really love my ring though, so I can't imagine wanting to change the pearl. The colour is so amazing! It's greenish and blueish, but bottom has a purplish tint, and it glimmers as I type. Oh my, I love it so!

My Ring - Back Side Perspective

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Wedding Dress Fabric!

I got the fabric for my dress on Tuesday! It's exactly the colour of red I've been hoping for! It's so perfect! I originally wanted taffeta, but this duponi silk is just so totally perfect! It shines and glimmers in the light, just like I wanted. It has amazing texture too! I love it soo much! The best part about shopping for the fabric was that I got to do it with my mom. That made it super special for me. And she really likes the fabric I picked too. So yay! I could not possibly be happier!! (Hence my overuse of the exclamation mark. lol.)

I have 10 yards of this lovely Duponi Silk in "Garnet". I took the pictures in daylight so the colour is very accurate. The most wonderful blood red!!

Red Duponi Silk

It's from a wonderful store in Hamilton, Ottawa Discount Textiles. Honestly, I don't understand why anyone would come to Toronto for fabric! The stores in Hamilton are closer together, are way, way more organized, and the staff are super helpful. Can you believe the man who served me, not only remembered me from last week, but also remembered the fabric I wanted, the colour, and how much! I was very impressed to day the least! And when I told the lady that was cutting my fabric that I was going to use it for my wedding gown(she asked its purpose), she was delighted! It's just so nice to have someone else excited about my lovely red dress in the making!

Another shot of the fabric, just because I love it so much.
Red Duponi Silk

And here's a close up:
Red Duponi Silk - Close Up

Isn't that just the prettiest thing you've ever seen?? I can't wait to see my dress!! So excited!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Fucking Fibro

So I haven't been doing so well for the past month I guess. I don't really know how long it's been. All I know is I'm at my breaking point once again. Every day is pain. Every day I wake up exhausted and with absolutely no desire to do anything at all. Some days I don't even shower. That's how little I care. I just can't be bothered. I hurt. I'm nauseous. So fucking nauseous I can't bare to stand up long enough to make myself something decent to eat. So most days I don't eat lunch. It's just too much effort for me. How sad is that?!

I hate living like this. I hate what I've become. I'm SO fucking useless. I can't even take care of myself never mind be of any use to anyone else. I hate it. Yet I still can't seem to manage to DO anything. I have no motivation, and I don't know how to change/fix it. Nothing matters enough. No matter how guilty I feel, no matter how much I try to convince myself I need to get up, I just can't be bothered. I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm miserable. I just can't be bothered.

What the fuck is wrong with me?!?!

Seriously. I hate this. And the drug just isn't helping enough anymore. I'm actually afraid I'm reacting badly to it now. My face has been on fire for the past few weeks. My skin is just so hot it hurts. My skin is raw from the heat. It doesn't matter how cold I am either. I can be shivering with cold, and my face is still hot and sore. What the hell is going on with me?!

I tried upping my dose of cymbalta. My doc said I could try it if the 30mg wasn't cutting it, and it's not. But I can't handle 60mg. I can't sleep. I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a mack truck. The pain is worse because I can't seem to get any rest at all. And the perverbial straw that broke the camel's back is that I had hallucinations the last day I took it. I was half awake and thought there was a lost child in our apartment. It took me 10 minutes to manage to really open my eyes and see what was actually there - nothing. That scared the crap out of me, and I went back to 30 mg. But it just isn't helping. I hurt. I hurt all the time. It's so draining.

I'm angry and depressed and I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't take it. I feel so lazy and useless. I hate it. I used to have drive. I used to be able to fight through the pain, and I just don't seem to be able to do that anymore. My brain just asks "what's the point"? When I try. I mean, really, what is the point? I'm going to hurt no matter what. There is nothing I can do. Nothing will change the fact that I'm in pain, that I'm always going to be in pain, so what's the point?

I just... I can't force myself to care...about anything. I hurt, and that's my whole world, there is nothing left but the pain. I don't want to live like this damnit! I feel so weak. Weak because I can't fight it, weak because I have no desire left to fight it. Weak because I do nothing. Christ, some days I don't even have the energy to complain! How pathetic is that?!

I love Chris, I do, honest to all the gods I do, and yet I can't manage to pull myself out of bed, and even do the dishes for him, or do laundry, or clean, or make dinner. I just... I have no motivation for anything. I never used to be like this. What has happened to me?! I don't want to be this person. I'm fucking useless. I hate it. I hate what I've become.

I don't even have any desire to knit!! ME! I love knitting! I have a hard time not knitting. My hands feel empty when I'm not knitting. I can't just sit and watch tv, I can't handle the nothing my hands are doing, and yet now... I haven't knit anything in well over a month. I just... I have no desire for it. This isn't right. This isn't like me. It's just not.

I don't want to be this person. I really really don't. But I don't know how to not be. :(

Friday, February 5, 2010

Wedding Planning - Ideas

Catching up on my blog reading today, I managed to follow a link to Etsy and found a flying pigs cake topper!! The pigs were not as cute as I'd like, and were totally the wrong colours for our wedding, but the idea! Oh, how I love the idea! Since I was a kid, I've always said to family and friends that I'd never get married, so the flying pigs just seemed utterly perfect to me.

I was planning on just doing some kind of flower but thing for the top of the cake(s) as I am making them, and I want to keep them as low key/low stress as I can manage.

But now that I have this idea in my head... I don't know if I can get it out. It's just too good.

I went looking for cuter pigs, and found this little guy:

How seriously cute is he?! He's 9cm tall. I'm thinking I could pretty easily make some pink felt wings and sew them on his back. Then, ta da! "Cake Toppers" for $30 (or less I'm hoping!). Though they won't go on the cakes - icing and plushies do not mix! They will go by the cakes on the desert table. With the added bonus that we can give them to my man's two little nephews at the end of the day. :)

Another possibility is that I have a friend who makes cakes semi-professionally. I don't want her to make my cake, mostly because I love to bake, but I'm thinking about perhaps asking her (& paying her, of course) to make two (or 4 if I do two cakes) little gum paste flying pigs when the time comes.

It's late here, and I'm kinda sleep deprived at this point, so I'm not entirely sure if this is a brilliant idea or a horrible idea. I'm hoping it's brilliant because right now I'm totally loving the idea of "when pigs fly".