Friday, September 12, 2008

BME: Body Modification Ezine

Poor Rachel. Sometimes I just think she's too nice. She expects others to be as reasonable and civilized as she is. Which, frankly most poeple, especially the scum that try to fuck with her and BME, are not.

So today I read her IAM page and someone else is pretending to be BME, and is actually saying they are the real BME. Really flipping weird that is! I mean, their website goes no where... BME is a huge respository of over ten years of Body Modification experiences of the 'community'. Hello.

I feel bad for Rachel, like she doesn't have enough on her plate she has to deal with this shit too.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

And Life Goes On

Middle of August I think it was, I started working retail again. Part time of course. Truthfully, I really don't think I could take more than 3 6 hour shifts a week. I'm SO fucking sore. My feet are just killing me. Even my ancles and knees are starting to ache and give out. I am just not suited to retail hell in any way shape or form.

It's really sad in a way. Since it's the only job I've been able to get. I may have an education, but it's really not helped me thus far in finding a job of any kind. I'm sure sure they didn't hire me for my retail gig becuase I have a degree. *sigh*

What really sucks is I have absolutley no one I can talk to about this. I just... I don't know what to do. I feel so trapped and so fucking useless. Every time I try to talk to Chris about it he just gets mad and me and yells at me for half an hour, or worse, if we aren't in person, he'll just blow up at me and go offline. Yay. Way to make me feel about this ---------> <--------- big!

So I can't talk to him. And I don't know who else I can talk to. I don't really know any of my knew friends in Toronto well enough to talk to them about this shit. And.. well... of my other friends that I'd be willing to talk to about it, they never have any time for me. :(

I just. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Frankly, I'm not even sure how much more of this my body can take. Even my poor hand, the one I had surgery on is aching like a fiend the past few days. It's just too much. *pout*

And the worst of it is..... Even though I don't work every day, I'm so tired from retail hell, like every day I'm dead on my feet, rather literally, that I don't have the energy to go looking for another job.

But really, since getting yelled at, and belittled, I just haven't had the...... courage to face it. I just. I feel so utterly hopeless, and so utterly overwhelmed by it all. I can't even bare to look at the automated emails I have set up with the banks.... I just.... I'm without hope. I don't feel like I have a chance in hell of anyone EVER hiring me for anything I'm actually qualified for.

*pout* Honestly, I just want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. I know that won't solve anything, but I honestly don't feel like I'm capable of solvoing anything anyway. :( I suck. In the worst sort of way. :(