Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I have an engineering degree, and yet I'm totally unemployable.

Does anyone else see the problem here???

Wtf is wrong with me? Seriously. What??

I'm smart, I'm competent, I know how to learn, I know how to handle people, I'm a hardworker... But none of it matters. None of it makes the littlest of differences. No one wants to hire me.... Not for any kind of decent job. I can't live on PT retail for fuck's sake.

I'm beyond my wit's end..... I'm SUCH a fucking failure.

I've never felt more hopless, helpless, and useless in my entire life. What a fucking waste of space I am!


When I feel this overwhelmed I just want to run away from the world and hide, hide until it's all over. But it won't ever be over. I can't fix this. I can't. I'd fucking love to, but I can't. I'm fucked. Totally and completely fucked.

Kill me now. Just. Kill. Me. Now. Please.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

One Step Closer!

So I had two interviews yesterday. I think they went fairly well. One was with a manager of ladies wear at The Bay on Bloor St., the other was with Crate & Barrel. Retail I know. But it's work. And at least it's not boring!

The Bay interview was my second with The Bay. The lady that interviewed me today said the lady that did so last time really liked me! So yay. And I ended up getting a job offer for PT work, which I of course took. Not sure how many hours I'm going to get or what not... We'll see. Chris and I have decided to play it by ear, easiest/smartest thing to do for right now I think.

Oh, and I mean play it by ear in terms of where I live. Obviously working in Toronto means I'll be staying here with him during the days that I work, and going home to Hamilton when I'm off. Depending how my first week or so looks I will likely ask that instead of spreading my 2-3-4 days off, if I could have a few in a row, so I can go home and stuff. Just like I did at Cotton Ginny. But at the same time, I want to work as many hours as they can give me, so we will see. I know it's only PT, so I'm really not expecting more than say 15 hours a week.... *Sigh*

I also have to give my two weeks notice at CG. It's a 'conflict of interest' or me to work both places. Not terribly sad about that. I'll miss the wonderful ladies I got to work with, but I have been trying to find work in Toronto for just months now.

Still need to keep looking though. And keep looking for full time and such, but it's definitely a step up, and a step in the right direction! I get to spend more time with my Chris... And we both want that.

Bless him, you know, the other night I was all sad, so he sat down next to me and asked what was wrong. It took a long time for me to find the words, I'm just terrile with saying the words, but he let me have that time. Patience. Patience is definitely a viture with me. When I finally told him, he was slightly releived. "I thought this was the break-up speech," he said. Dear, dear, dear man! As if I would do that! And now! I love him far far too much to ever let him go. And I told him so. I want to keep him I do. *nods*

In other news, tomorrow is mother's day, so I'm baking my mom a cake today and bringing it home with me. I sure hope she likes it! Angel food cake with strawberries, and a diet style frosting. Hopefully it will be yummy and pretty! Hopefully...