Friday, February 18, 2011

Chronic Pain

I feel like the chronic pain I suffer from is eating my soul. I hurt. I hurt everywhere. All day long, every day. Every night. I'm exhausted all the time. It's exhausting being in this much pain. It's hard to sleep, to really rest when you hurt all over.

My whole body just aches. Maybe it's atrophy? Maybe my muscles are dying?? I don't know. All I know is I can't find the energy or motivation to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to be unconscious, away from the pain. Even when I sleep I dream of being in pain. My pain invades. I'm never free of it.

There is no wondering why people with chronic pain are often depressed. You'd be depressed too if you hurt all the time, no matter what you did or didn't do. You'd be depressed if you could no longer do all the things you used to, if even little things like getting out of bed, taking a shower, and getting dressed now became hard won victories. You'd be depressed if you could no longer identify with your friends because the pain has reshaped your world into something even you don't recognize.

Of course I'm depressed. But mostly I'm frustrated and sick. I'm just too sick to care about much of anything. I hurt so bad I want to scream. On top of that every time I eat something I feel like I need to vomit for at least 2 hours afterwards. WTH?! I'm shaky and weak.... I sound like a fucking chipmunk.... I think my new dose/meds are fucking with me. =/

The straw has broke the camel's back. The camel is now laying on the desert flailing and being slowly covered in sand.

Fria help me, I don't know what to do with myself.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Finally Finished Christmas Knitting! HA!

Okay, so I don't have a picture (yet) as my husband wore them to work, but I finally finished his Christmas gift - a pair of thrum mittens!

I didn't have a pattern for thrum mittens specifically so I had to modify a regular mitten pattern. There was some trial and error - especially with the thumbs, but I did it! And they're even symmetrical/the same size! Ha! Hey, it's only my second pair of mittens ever, I'm really please about that part.

I like them so much I'm thinking of making myself a pair! Though, since I don't generally like cold weather, or more accurately my knees really don't. For my part, I've never had a problem with the cold, I'm a fan of layers, warm boots and bundling up, but now that I have FMS and joint troubles, I just can't take the cold like I used to. So, as a result, I'm not sure when I'd actually be out in weather cold enough to need thrum mittens. Plain mittens, sure, so I think I might knit them in the same lovely black yarn, since I've some left over.

But first I'm going to finish the hat I started for me in the same yarn. It got really cold last winter towards the end there, and I actually needed a warmer hat than my favourite go-to grey one. That grey hat, is a marvel! It's not very thick, wool-wise, but it is so warm! I love that hat. But like I said, I need a warmer one for really windy days. Nothing worse than a cold head! Or ears. I get ear aches from the wind.... So I'll have to find the hat, and the pattern, and so I can take that up again. It's been so long I don't even remember which pattern I finally decided on! ha!

Anyway, when I get pictures of the mittens, I'll share. I'm rather proud of them. Mostly because he loves them so. But also because they were a challenge for me, and are so damn cozy and soft and delicious!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Mrs. Hazelton's Cabbage Soup

  • 3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
  • 2 onions, diced
  • 3-4 medium carrots, chopped finely
  • 4-5 stalks celery, chopped finely
  • 0.5kg extra lean ground beef
  • 1 small/medium cabbage, chopped to 1/2" pieces
  • 2 cups frozen peas
  • 2 pouches Lipton Onion Soup Mix
  • 3 beef bullion cubes
  • 3 cans whole tomatoes, stewed with herbs and spices (we use Our Compliments brand)
  • 8 cups water (add more as needed)
  • 2-3 cups brown rice

  1. In a large pot, add olive oil, on medium heat.  Add onions, carrots, celery as you chop them, stirring often.
  2. Break up the ground beef into ~1" size pieces as you add it to the pot.  Add the onion soup mix and bullion cubes.  Stir well.
  3. Chop cabbage, stiring pot, to ensure even beef browning. Add cabbage as you chop it. Add frozen peas, and stir.
  4. Open cans of tomatoes, add the juice.  Squish the tomatoes with your hands as you add them. Remove any tomato skin you find.
  5. Add 8 cups of water, stir.  Turn heat up to bring to a boil, then turn down to medium heat. Boil for 1-1 11/2  hours.
  6. Add brown rice, and stir.  Add more water, if needed.  Cook for another 1 1/2, or until rice is fully cooked and soft.
  7. Let cool, and put into containers for freezing.  When warming up, add more water if you prefer a soupier soup.

Makes 24-28 cups.