Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Creative Writing Class

Today is the first day of my creative writing class, and I'm nervous. I'm sure it will be fine, but I just can't help the nerves. It's always the details that worry me, not the action. For instance, the first time I traveled alone I was more worried about my luggage being under weight, and if I was going to have to pick it up at LAX, then to re-check it, because my ticket said I might, than I was about the actual traveling alone. heh.

So today, true to form, I'm more worried about being able to find my classroom, what I need to bring, if I'm going to have to prove who I am, than I am the actual class. I guess I figure the class will take care of itself, it's all the details that keep me nervous. Though I am nervous about meeting my classmates, and what they will be like. I don't actually figure on making friends, I'm not very good at that anyway. *sigh* I just hate having to explain myself to people and being judged for my circumstances in life.

I am looking forward to it. I really do want to improve my writing. It's something I've always loved to do, and since I can't do fuck all else with myself at this point, why not give the pipe dream a shot? My mom's comment of, "so you think you can write do you?" really irks me, but then she didn't really think I could finish university and come out the other side with an engineering degree. It's not so much because she didn't think I was smart, more that she never finished any kind of schooling, and I don't think all of her kids finished high school, never mind doing more, so it's just so out of her scope she couldn't fathom it. It took me awhile not to take it personally. I don't think I really understood until I'd graduated and she'd explained part of it to me. She was so genuinely proud of me then, I knew there was no malice in her words before. So I'm know I need to take this the same way. I mean, she even mentioned a friend of my aunt's has a couple children's books published and how unbelievable it is to think we know someone that's a published author. It also helps that she's never read anything I've written as an adult, so she has no way of knowing if I can or can't write.

Anyway, I'm babbling and stalling, and trying to fill my mind with other things so I won't panic, or let my nerves eat me. Gah. It will be fine. I know it will. I just sincerely hope they don't need me to prove who I am. I don't have any ID with my married name on it. I thought my damn health card would be here by now, but noooo. Bah. I really need to get on changing my name with the bank and such. doh.

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