Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Fibro Flare

So much I wanted to do today, and I doubt I'll be doing any of it. :( I hurt too badly. And I'm so so damn nauseous. I'm actually afraid to move around too much, I feel so sick.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I went to the gym and swam for an hour. I worked my ass off in the water! My knees and feet were a little sore when I left, but mostly I was okay. But then we went out with friends last night, which was fun, but I overdid it. It's so easy to do, damnit. I spent the majority of the night standing. Not good. My left knee is so so SO sore today. I'm having trouble walking around the apartment without limping for pete's sake.

I slept for like ten hours, yet I feel exhausted. My head is killing me. I can't tell if it's sinus and/or tension but man oh man it does it hurt. Everything hurts. Leaning back against pillows is hurting my back! It's kinda ridiculous. I'm almost certain that moving around would help the stiffness/soreness, except I'm really nauseous - which gets worse when I move, and my left knee just does not want to be used today - every time I use it, it screams at me. :(

I don't know what to do with myself!

Fibro Flare sucks ass. My fibro seems to be exacerbated by the sinus infection. Everything just seems to have more impact than it should lately. I hate it. I hate...being like this. I feel betrayed by my body. Half the time Chris can't even touch me without me flinching or whimpering in pain. I hate it. And I feel bad/guilty! Like it's my fault he can't touch me without hurting me. He sees me touch myself and it not hurt, but he can't do it. It sucks ass. I know it's not my fault. I can't control it. Yet somehow I still feel a little guilty; I still feel badly about it. Fucking fibro.

I want so badly to just be normal. But I'm never ever going to be normal. I'm going to have to deal with the chronic pain, and all the other 'fun' stuff for the rest of my life. It's really fucking daunting. And depressing.

I just want to be able to go to the market, the grocery store and make a soup. But it's not going to happen. My knee won't let me walk that much today. *Sigh* I can't work; I can't even be a half-decent housewife. For fuck's sake. I hate being a fucking invalid!

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