I still very much want to marry Chris. I love him dearly. I want to keep him forever and ever.
I was just so disgusted with everything the idea of marriage itself was totally unappealing. That's fair, right?
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I tried to "think outside the box" in terms of venues for the wedding ceremony, and realised I just can't do it. All the places that appealled to me are places that normally do weddings. I fail.
Still, having the wedding somewhere, and doing lunch, but not a reception could work. Telling anyone it's a wedding reception adds 40% or more onto the cost. I don't want special treatment anyway. I just want to make a lunch reservation somewhere for a group of 35 adults and 5 children. I want to be able to bring a cake. I'll cut it myself, they just need to bring me a knife and plates. That's simple; restaurants do that all the time for birthdays.
I'm wondering now if I'll even need two layers of cake. Perhaps one will be enough. I'd like two, partly to show off, partly to learn how. But.. again, we'll see.
Gah. Weddings. I want to kill my inner princess. I really do. But I can't seem to even control her. Bah! Bah, I say.