Thursday, January 29, 2009

Angry Morning

This is a rant, do not be deceived. Swearing ahead. I'm not curbing my tongue, I'm too pissed off.

I started this new drug a few days ago. I've only taken it three times (3 days). But I really don't like it so far. Every morning I wake up feeling groggy and totally out of it, not fun. Worse, every morning I wake up feeling sore as fuck. I mean, someone beat me up sore. Why the hell I am so sore? I felt like shit last night when I went to bed, but I felt better than I do now damnit! What the hell. Every day I take this medication I have a headache. A killer headache. A someone please come kill me now headache. My doctor told me to take 1000mg of ibuprofen, that it would help. Either that made it worse or it did absolutely nothing at all. :(

I'm supposed to drink lots of liquids on this medication. People keep telling me I'm not drinking enough, that that is why I'm having the headaches. How much fucking liquid is a person supposed to drink?!?! As it was I couldn't sleep at all last night! I had to keep getting up every two hours to go pee!! Not cool. So very not cool. Add to that the nightmares! Oh my gods, the nightmares! Horrible, horrible dreams! Every flipping night I've taken this damn drug, just horrible horrible dreams. Who can rest like that?!

And what makes it oh so much worse for me, my favourite part of the day really, is getting to cuddle my man, and falling asleep like that. This fucking drug robbed me of that! I had to get up to pee! Again and again and again. Damned drug. No cuddle for me! No solace! No comfort! Just fucking nightmares and pain! So much fucking pain! My joints hurt for fuck's sake! In a very bad, scary way damnit.

I am SO frustrated and SO pissed off.

Why the hell is it that every fucking medication they give me just makes me feel worse?!?!?!

I want to scream. I just want to scream.

Between the fucking medications and the headaches I am totally incapable of leading any semblance of a normal life! I can't do shit. I could never hold down a job like this. I'm in too much pain. I can barely stand to exist. As it is, there are days when I wish I didn't. What the HELL am I supposed to do!??!?!?

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