Monday, July 21, 2008

Angry Rant

The painters are supposedly coming to finish painting the balcony today. They did the railing on Friday, but it started to rain so they are supposed to come back at some point today to do the ceiling. Why the ceiling of the balcony needs painting and not the floor I don't know. Whatever. I'm just happy the super here is so good about taking care of things. The railings really did need doing.

Them coming back today means however, that I had to schelp everything off the balcony. I was the one who put it back too damnit! And moving those fucking chairs of his really hurt my hand! I told Chris so. I told him I did not want to move them again - that my hand was all sore from doing it. I had to put the ice pack on my hand it was so flipping sore!! He said I wouldn't have to. Well he lied. Damnit. He left for work and didn't move a fucking thing. Well someone had to move them before the painters came, and since I was the only one around that meant me. Grrrrr!

I sent him a text message. A not very pleasant one. Told him, I loved him, but I really hated him for making me move those god damn fucking chairs again. My hand is still sore two fucking hours later. It aches really. It hurts to use my thumb, it hurts to open my hand. It feels all strained and wrong. And I'm totally blaming him for it.

He called me. I wasn't nice. I'm pissed off. I was more pissed off then. Really fucking pissed off. He said I wouldn't have to! Then he fucking forced me to do it. I don't care that he forgot! It's less cruel, but no less inconsiderate! Fuck. He's the one that never fucking lets me do anything! He's the one that's all "careful of your hand!" And then the ONE fucking time I ask him to do something for me, he fucking forgets so I'm forced to do it! Grr. Just. Grrrr!

I'm sitting in the appartment and I don't have a fucking clue what to do with myself today. I know the painters are likely to come at some point, but I don't know when - 9am to 5pm is a big window. I was going to bake today. Coconut cupcakes. But he's pissed me off so badly I have absolutely no fucking desire to bake. Especially not for him. I know that petty and spiteful. But I'm pissed off! I can't help it!

I'm sitting here pouting and frankly I don't want to do a gods damn fucking thing. Well... there are things I kinda want to do, but none of them are productive. In fact they are all very destructive, and I might potentially regret them in the long run. Might. Maybe...

Spiteful. I'm spiteful and I know it. It's hard to control it and frankly I'm far too pissed off to really even want to.

He told me to go out and enjoy the weather when he left. The fucking 88% humidity and 60% chance of rain weather. Yeah, cause that sounds like really good fucking idea.

Especially after he forced me to sleep in! He actually did you know. I was about to get up and he very literally came over and pushed me back down into bed. Now my neck is killing me and I've got a fucking headache. I'm totally blaming him for my pain. I didn't have a headache when I woke up! If he'd only just fucking let me get up. But nooooooo! He just had to be in control. It's really seriously fucking annoying after awhile- his pushy, I-must-ALWAYS-be-in-control attitude.

I can't do fuck all. I can't ever help. "I was going to do that," he always says and stops me from ever being even slightly fucking useful whenever I try. Pisses me right the fuck off.

I really just do not want to be here right now. I don't want to be near him, or his stuff. I don't want to see him. I don't want to think about him. Frankly I'd really like a punching bag so I could let out some of my rage and frustration. I really just want to hit something. Sadly that is not an option. So I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

Fucking men. But it's not all men. It's just one man. Pushy. Bossy. Always has to be in control. Can't ever fucking let me do anything. Always has to have his fucking way. Always has to be his way. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or wants. Doesn't fucking occur to him to ask. To care. To take it into consideration for fucks sake. Fucking control freak. Fuck!

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