I can't get his words out of my head, "I'm tired, and in pain, and you're nagging me!"
My first thought was, 'great, I've turned into what I wanted to never be - the nagging wife'. My second thought, for better or worse, was, 'now you know how I feel.'
I'm tired and in pain every moment of every day, whether I'm awake or asleep, I'm still in pain, I'm still exhausted. I have to push myself to do anything. Showering, making something to eat, hell, even eating, it's all hard to manage. Some days I don't manage at all.
My body twitches, sometimes violently because my muscles are exhausted by the pain. Do you have any idea how demoralizing that is?! To know that even my muscles are calling foul, even they can't handle the pain I feel. How the hell am I supposed to cope with this?! If my muscles can't take it, how am I to cope mentally, emotionally with it all?
I'm just so damn tired of being in pain, tired of being so exhausted all the time. How the hell am I to survive this?? I want to get better, I want to get healthier, but that just feels like cherries on the sundae right now. How the bleeding hell am I supposed to handle 'dinner', never mind 'desert'??
I keep waiting to feel better. I keep waiting for a day where I'm not overwhelmed in pain, but that day never comes. Some days I'm in so much pain it makes me nauseous, some days the pain is at more of a level where I can ignore it, can push through it, at least for awhile. Today I'm nauseous. I'm exhausted. I want to go back to sleep. I could sleep all day. But I have a class to go to. *Sigh*
This is not what I hoped my life would be.