Saturday, December 12, 2009

Tempis Fugid

Wow, here it is the 12th already!

Update on my health: I've been taking a low dose of Cymbalta, which is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor(SSRI). It's an antidepressant that works to decrease pain. I've read a bit about it, but I'm no good at chemistry/biology, I don't actually understand how it works.

In terms of me, I'm not sure if it's working or not. My knees aren't as sore as they've been, but I've also been living within my limits for the past month, and have been very careful not to push too hard. My shoulder is still sore, and I don't know why, so I'm guessing it's the fibro. I still have killer headaches. I have one today. It's enough to knock me over. And I'm beginning to worry the drug is fucking with my sleep. For the past two weeks now, I'd say since I started, or a little after, I've had the hardest time getting any kind of restful sleep. It used to be that the pain would make me up. I don't wake up in pain these days, which is good. This could be the drug, or it could just be the fibro has settled, that happens from time to time as well. But now, a new thing for me, as I'm falling asleep, just as I'm about to pass from light sleep into real, deep, restoritive sleep, my brain jolts me to full wakefulness. This happens ALL night long. I wake up feeing just as tried, or more tired than I went to bed, and terribly frustrated as well.

I never used to have this problem!! I'm hoping if it is the drug it will "settle down". I think the first time I took this, at double the dose I am now, I complained to my doctor about not being able to sleep, and he said sometimes there is a peroid of adjustment and it could take up to five weeks to settle, and that I should stick with it. I will... but fuck, I hate being so damn tired. Fibro makes me tired enough as it is, add to it bad sleep, and I feel like the walking dead!

In other news, I'm still in the middle of christmas shopping and have yet to do much baking. In terms of the shopping, I know exactly what I want, and I think this time, that's making it all the harder as I'm having a terrible time finding it. I'm hoping to feel well enough to go shopping later this week. And do the baking too. I am doing baking for a few presents this year, so I need to get to that. I'm making things that will keep, so now's the time. Or, as my mom says, do it when you feel up to it.

It really weirds me out that I identify so well with my 76 year old grandmother (she raised me, I call her mom, because to me, that's what she is). I mean, I'm 30, but I feel 80 more often than not. It sucks big hairy goat balls. But at least I'm beginning to get treatment, hopefully things will get better soon.

No comments: