Monday, November 23, 2009

Angry and Miserable.

I do not want to live like this. I'm tired of always being sore, of not being able to do anything, and getting lectured about how it's all my fault.

I wish I was dead.

For the first time in years, I really really want to die. The only issue is, I have no life insurance, so my parents would have to pay to have me buried, and they really can't afford that. My good for nothing father wouldn't help them with a red cent; he just wouldn't care.

Everyone would be better off, all I am now is a burden. And I'd get sweet, sweet oblivion.

I do not want to live like this. I just don't. There is nothing worth this. Nothing.

Watching the man I love slowly lose all respect for me. Watching as I turn his life into a hermited hell of only taking care of me, doing none of the things he actually wants to do. I can't. I can't do that to him. I can't suffer through it myself.

I may not do it on purpose. I did not choose this life for myself, but I'm stuck with it. I can't change the effects it has on everything. I'm powerless to make any difference whatsoever.

My life will always be pain. I will always have to fight just to get up in the morning. My entire life will always be this battle waged against the pain I suffer through. And I'm not strong enough. I can't keep doing this.

I want to die. I just want to die.

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