Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Yup, that's right folks, we're engaged. Chris asked me to marry him the Sunday before last, and I, of course, said yes.

Sadly, there is no story to tell. I vaguely remember the first and last sentences he said. He started with, "I know we haven't discussed marriage yet..." And my brain went into hyperventilation overdrive thinking: Oh gods. Oh gods. He's going to ask me to marry him, isn't he? Isn't he?? Oh gods. So everything is a blur. Oops. He did end with something about not having a ring, but that we could get one.

I'm really rather hoping we go through with that. I know it's cliché, and likely not feminist of me, but I really do want a pretty ring. It doesn't have to be the traditional diamond. But I want a ring. I think this whole thing will seem more real to me with a ring on my finger.

One of my best friends, Sabrina, had her engagement, and wedding bands made by some custom jeweler. He did a lovely job. I really like their rings. So I've asked her for his info. Hopefully we can at least get my engagement ring from him. I'm thinking I want either something with a lab-created ruby or a black freshwater pearl. I really can't decide. Whether or not this jeweler can get lab-created rubies will likely help me decide. Though I hope he can, as I think I'm kinda leaning towards the ruby.

So wedding. There is going to be a wedding. My first thought when Chris asked me, after the initial shock, was: "Oh gods. I have to plan a wedding." Thankfully, with Sabrina and Angie both married, I've given some thought to what I want for my wedding.

First things first, I want a small wedding. As small as I can possibly manage it. Family only, and even then, not very much of my family. My grandparents, who raised me, have ten children. Just inviting them and their spouses would be bigger than I want to go. So I've decided to only invite a few, and no cousins. Sabrina, Angie and Neda are invited, but they are family to me. I've known them all for twenty years now. Gods, how the time flies!

Secondly, I want to get married in a red taffeta dress. Preferably with red running shoes underneath so I can be comfy. I've never much cared for wedding dresses. At my size I think I'd look frightening in a white, lacy, beaded monstrosity. A big blindingly white blimp. No thank you. I'd much rather be a red blimp. Also, I'm not a virgin!! I've been living with Chris in a tiny bachelor's apartment for a year now, and dating him for three. Honestly. I have no desire to pretend I'm something I'm not. And I look good in red, damnit. It must be taffeta, it's one of the prettiest fabrics I've ever seen. Besides, when am I ever going to get another chance to wear it?

Third, I don't want to get married in a church. Chris and I are both atheists. I would not feel comfortable in a church. It just smacks of too much wrong for me.

The reception has always been a hard point for me when thinking about getting married. On the one hand I don't want hoopla, on the other, I do want to share the occasion and the day with my family. So Chris and I have decided on a daytime wedding, meaning we'll have the ceremony in the morning, directly followed by a lunch reception. This I think, will suit ours and our families needs best.

One of the hardest parts for me is convincing my oldest friends I don't want hoopla. They can't seem to understand it. I've had enough hoopla to last me a lifetime with Angie and Sabrina's weddings. I don't want hoopla. I don't want to put them or my family or myself through that.

No Engagement Party, no bridal shower, no stag & doe, no bachelorette night, none of that hoopla. It's just too much. Heck, I'm not even having a 'wedding party'. I don't want a maid of honour, bridesmaids, groomsmen, a flower girl, a ring bearer - the list goes on. It's all just too much.

I don't want any of that. I don't want to deal with it and all the stress that goes along with it. I just want to get married and have the people I love most there to see it happen. That's it.

I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize, as they say, while I plan this. I really don't want hoopla. I have to watch myself and not get suckered into it.

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