I was struck tonight, or perhaps reminded is the better word, of a scene, and a character in one of my all time favourite movies - When Night is Falling. At one point the character, can you believe I can't remember the man's name? I'm bad with names, what can I say.
Anyway, this poor, unfortunate man, has this conversation with his girlfriend about silence. He's telling her about a lecture he heard at a conference... The lecturer says something along the lines of Silence is Golden. Sometimes the most unselfish thing you can do in a relationship is be silent. This modern compulsion to say everything, to share everything just isn't healthy. Sometimes, the best answer, the best thing you can do for your relationship, is to just be silent.
Now, in the movie what he's really doing it telling his girlfriend, without having to say it, that he knows she's cheated, and he can't bare to hear her say it; he'd much rather they just both pretend it never happened.
This is not the case with me, thank the gods. I was reminded of this because, like him, I am compelled to agree - Silence is Golden. There really are just times when staying silent, when being silent, is the most unselfish thing one can do. There are times when silence is needed. When the absence of silence will cause far more discord than any worth could be had from saying.....whatever it is one is want to say.
I know this is true. I have learned it the hard way -- by saying what ought not to have been said. Both times when I have done so in the resent past, I have realised only too late that I should have kept my mouth shut. It was not worth it to say what I did. No value came from it, only hurt and....distance.
I hope to someday learn this lesson. In the meantime..... I wish I had somewhere else I could go...to get away from the now painfully uncomfortable silence... Mostly, however, I wish I had some way I could wash away the hurt feelings and... ruffled distance. I am not one of those people that always knows the right thing to say, unfortunately. You know the kind of people I mean, the ones that have a magic way of breaking any tension, of bringing sunshine to any darkness... That is just so not me. *sigh*