I hate men today.
"I'm disinclined to breed at this point in time"
And with that his part in it is done, well, except to make fun of my terror every fucking chance he gets. *grumble*
Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the exact moment to do the most damage.
Being a firm believer in Murphey's Law I have been positively terrified for the past few months that I'm going to end up pregnant. I do not, do not want to have a baby! Not now, and as this terror has shown me, not ever.
But I've been worrying, all the time, every day, all day long, that I've fucked up, that I'm pregnant. I have a bit of a hyphocondriac streak, I'm sure it doesn't help that my 19 year old cousin is in fact pregnant. She is in a better position than I am, at least she has a full time job!!
Me, I'd be fucked. My worst fear of course, is that I'd find out too late to abort. I would really rather kill myself than have a baby. No joke. I do NOT want to have a baby, and sure as fuck not now. I have no job, if I had the baby, I'd have no place to live either. Chris isn't working, how the fuck is he supposed to help me?! And would I really expect him to? No. I don't expect any man to.
So I live with this terror, and it IS terror. And every fucking time I mention my fears to Chris I get two things: first off he makes fun of me, cuase you know, it's so much fun to belittle your terrified girlfriend, and secondly I get the "if you were pregnant, you'd just know" speech.
Now, for all those of you out there that think that's true, I have one thing to say to you: you're fucking dreaming!!! Some women might know, especially ones that have gone through it before, but I'm telling you right know there is NO fucking way I would ever know. No fucking way. It's a load of Bullshit, and I won't have it.
It fucking infuriates me when he says that. "You'll just know." How the FUCK will I just know!? Is my fucking uterus going to send my brain a fucking memo!? I don't fucking think so!! I might know something is wrong, but I'm not going to have a fucking clue what is wrong. That's just fucking ridiculous. You'll just know.... Go fuck yourself. You'll just know...
I really don't like him very much right now, can you tell? Teasing is one thing, but making fun of me, especially when I'm truly terrifed, that's just.... fucking low, that's what that is. Inexcusable. Asshole.