Saturday, January 11, 2014

Romantic Comedy's are not a good model for healthy relationships

Laurell K Hamilton asked her fb followers if they've ever had their life influenced by romantic comedys, or had the kind of things that happen in rom coms happen in their relationships. And it got me thinking about it... not for the first time.

When I talk at/rant to Chris, my hubby about this, his answer is that I should blog about it or some such, so for once, I'm listening. ;)

I should start off by saying I used to love romantic comedies. It was my favourite genre in fact. Funny, with a guaranteed HEA (Happily Ever After) ending, what's not to love?

Then I met Chris. But more importantly, I had the very first grown-up, healthy courtship and then healthy relationship of my life.

 So when, months into dating Chris, I wanted a rom com - no, I don't remember which one - I realized just how messed up the genre was as a whole.

When you stop and think about the kinds of things rom coms promote as 'romantic', or 'all in the name of love'... Creepy is what comes to mind.

Movie Example: Edward sneaking into Bella's bedroom to watch her sleep at night. Even ignoring the fact that she's 16, and he's like 200 or 100, or whatever- he's an old man. Even ignoring the age thing, he's breaking and entering to watch her sleep.

Now, I have actually had this happen to me - sort of - he didn't break in at least! When I was a teenager, I was dating a very sweet boy. He came over one evening when I was having a nap (yes, even at 14 or 15 I liked naps!). My parents let him in, assuming he'd wake me up. He didn't. I woke up to pitch black , not only had the sun set but the power had gone out so there wasn't even filtered light from the streetlights outside my big ass window. The radio was off, but was on when I'd gone to sleep. And I could hear someone breathing in the room. Someone that wasn't me. I freaked. I stayed stock still until the power came back on - longest seconds of my life! With the light from the street I had enough clues to figure out it was my soon to be ex boyfriend, not some serial killer there to murder me. But he just sat there and watched me sleep, for gods knows how long! WHAT THE FUCK?! I was terrified! That is just not cool, let me tell you.

Real life example: When I was dating my now husband, I had an ex call me out of the blue, and tell me he missed me, he wanted me in his life, that he some nights he just sat in his car outside my house, thinking about me, but didn't have the nerve to knock.

My first reaction, a result of watching too many romantic comedies, was: aww, how sweet.

Then I really thought about it.

I hadn't heard from this guy in six months and even then he was just brushing me off. So miss me, my ass.

Also, I'd been spending almost half my time at Chris' place in Toronto but home was still my parent's place in Hamilton (a hour's drive from Toronto); I just wasn't there much.

So this 37 yr old man was sitting outside my parents house. In his car. At night. What? Just staring?

STALKER!! My brain screamed and my pulse jumped. I wasn't worried for myself. I really wasn't home many evenings at this point. But my parents were. Every protective instinct I had came rushing to the forefront.

So I did the only thing I could think of: I talked his ear off about how happy I was. I told him I was seeing a wonderful man (my Chris) that was only a few years older than me (not old and decrepit like him). How Chris was wonderfully geeky, sweet, and oh so good to me. I went on about our amazing chemistry, and how no one had ever pleased me like Chris did, over and over and over again. I told him how Chris thought I was 'worth the trouble', something no other man had ever told me - I always got the opposite. Especially from this guy (yes, he was a self-obsessed jerk). I told him I never thought about him, but I wished him well.

Worked like a charm too! He never bothered me again! 

I really hope he was only feeding me a line, trying to get me pinging for him or some crap. Cause to this day it kinda freaks me out to think about him sitting in his sedan outside my parents house.. last at night.... I mean. what the fuck?

So yeah. Do not model your relationships on rom coms. That's not the kind you want. Take it from a happily married woman. Yay for "boring married life" *snickers* I wouldn't want it any other way.

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