Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Setting Assignment

I thought I'd share my assignment... In 250 words I had to describe the childhood bedroom of a character. Here it is as I handed it in:

Sun filtered through the curtains, soaking the room in warm yellow light. The faint smell of apple perfume, and melted wax hung in the air. A feminine wallpaper of tiny red roses covered three walls; the fourth had a vintage Disney print and was the only wall not covered in some kind of poster. A dark oak double bed anchored one corner of the room. The headboard was a series of nooks, crammed full of stuffed animals, meticulously arranged. An alarm clock was nestled between two bunnies and a bear in the nearest nook. The bed was neatly made, with a chocolate brown, plush velvet pound puppy placed delicately on top. A quilt in soft hues of greens and blues, showing signs of recent repair with brighter patches here and there, covered the bed. At the end of the bed, pushed against the wall, sat a folded quilt in bright blues and white. In the opposite corner, behind the door, was an abandoned Lego city. Above it was a small bookcase. The bottom shelf was empty but for a handful of notebooks. The top shelf held a budding collection of fantasy novels. "Is this the real life, is this just fantasy," rang out from the boom box sitting on the edge of a glassy black dresser across from the bed. In the last corner was a matching, tall, glassy black dresser. The tops of both dressers were barely visible under the crush of toiletries, costume jewelry, candles and the like.

And below is what it became after revision, using suggestions from my teacher and classmates. I couldn't keep it under 250 words and make it what I wanted it to be, so this is 320-ish words:

Sunlight soaked the room in warm yellow light. Apple perfume, and melted wax hung in the air. Rosebud wallpaper covered three walls. Scenes of Mickey Mouse frolicking with his compatriots repeated across the fourth wall, even Pooh, Tiger, Piglet and Eeyore were there, all sketched in thin grey lines, some coloured in, others half drawn as if the artist had just walked away and would be back any moment. In spots hidden away from grown-up eyes, the wall was lovingly coloured in by small hands and waxy crayons. A full size oak bed anchored one corner of the room. The headboard was a series of nooks, crammed full of stuffed animals, meticulously arranged. An alarm clock was nestled between two bunnies and a bear in the nearest nook. In the opposite corner, behind the door, was an abandoned Lego city. Above it was a small bookcase. The bottom shelf was empty but for a handful of notebooks. The top shelf held a budding collection of fantasy novels. "Is this the real life, is this just fantasy," rang out from the boom box sitting on the edge of a glassy black dresser across from the bed. In the last corner was a matching, tall, glassy black dresser. The tops of both dressers were barely visible under the crush of toiletries, costume jewellery, candles, and the like. A thirteen year old girl sat cross-legged on the neatly made bed, a chocolate brown, plush velvet pound puppy gripped in one arm. She started down at the journal in her lap, her long wavy hair a dark shroud around her. A tear dropped to the page blurring the fresh ink. Her free hand caressed the quilt under her. Her fingers roamed the patches, some smoothed with age, others crisp and new. She revelled in the feel of the stitching, rough against her palm, strong and familiar. This was home, so why did she feel so lost?


Thoughts? Opinions? Maybe?

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