It's just so fucking painful. I don't know how I ever survived like this. I know I did. For more than 2 years I did. In this kind of "please just kill me now" pain every, every fucking day. I don't know how I did it. Just surviving is a fucking accomplishment. Working, oh fuck, working is way hard. Being polite, being upbeat, trying to be friendly, fuck, they are near imposible. And improving yourself? That's a fucking laugh. Just getting by is hard enough! I'm barely hanging on as it is! No one in this condition wants to add more trouble to their lives. No fucking wonder I got fired. No one wants to work with a grouch.
It's a disability you know, chronic pain. You can't function like other poeple. The expectation that you do is ridiculous. And no one, NO ONE, but those that have gone through periods of intense chronic pain can even begin to understand.
It's every day. Every night. All night. Even in sleep you don't escape it. Every moment of your life. You are fighting for normality. You are fighting just to get up. You are fighting to make breakfast, to shower, to get dressed. Walking out the door, down the steps, it's all a battle. It's hard won. It's exhausting. It never stops. You must always be fighting. It wears you down, bit by bit.
You can't be happy. You might have some semblance of happy, but it's not true happiness. You have this weight on you, bearing down, at all times. You just don't have the energy or freedom for real happiness.
How do I know this? I had about a year to recover, to become pain free. It took a long time for the pain to slowly ebb, and for my brain and body to adjust to the idea of not always being in constant pain. I did get used to if finally. And I noticed, with a kind of shock, as it had been so very long since I'd been without pain, that life was easier, that I was able to be happy, freely, truly, happy! I had so much more energy. I could be friendly and happy and polite and it was easy, oh so easy.
Happy surprised me the most. I thought I'd had moments of happiness during the chronic pain, but they paled in comparison. I mean literally paled. Like the difference between baby blue and true sky blue. It was as if I was living in a fog then, and now it had been lifted. The weight was gone, I felt so light. I got used to it...
And now the fucking pain is back. Back and full fucking force. I don't know what to do! I don't know how to fix it. I wake up almost every fucking morning with a headache that could fell a rhino. Nothing helps. No decongestant, no anti-histamine. I don't know what to do!
I still think it might be the way I'm sleeping but I really don't now how to fix that. I just.. I don't. Gods fucking damnit. I've known for the past ten years or so that sleeping with my head on an upward incline helps. Really helps. I've also learned that supporting my neck properly also helps. Helps a lot. I've been doing these things. That hasn't changed, but the pain is back, oh gods fucking help me, it's back.
It's no fucking wonder to me that people dealing with Chronic pain are often also depressed. You try living in a state of constant, life-crushing pain and being happy-go-lucky!
That's the thing that kills me most. Fucking doctors. You know what their best advice is to someone living with chronic pain?! Ignore it!!!!!!!!!
You heard me right, ignore it. Like it's even fucking possible to ignore it! I want to slap them when they tell me that. Actually I want to break their leg and make them walk around on it, and live their life "normally", sans cast, for the next 3 months. THEN we can fucking talk about how to treat chronic pain sufferers. It would be a different tune then, I tell you what.
No sympathy. NO understanding. That's my biggest beef. Doctors don't get it, and they just don't care how much suffering is involved. They can't fix it. That's the thing I suppose. They don't know how. They can give you pain killers, but only ever enough to take the edge off. Never ever enough to make you feel good - to make you feel pain free - just enough so you go about your life, suffering all the while.
I'm engraged, can you tell?! Is there really any other condition in medicine where they tell you to just suck it up and get on with life? You have an ulcer, oh well that's too bad, eat more regularly, and chin up, NEXT! I don't think so. It's because you can't see it. You can't feel someone elses pain, so doctors just don't fucking care. It's a non-problem for them. Of course it is, they aren't the ones that have to go through every fucking day of their lives in so much pain they want to die.
Make no mistake, death is looking pretty damn good from here. I'm not reglious, I don't have some kind of paradise or firey hell waiting for me. Just death. Sweet oblivion. And the kicker is, all things considered, I like my life!!! I have a man that loves me and I love him dearly, I have wonderful friends, I have great family, other than the pain I'm healthy, I'm smart and a hardworker, I know someone will hire me eventually. But right now, oh fuck, death looks pretty damn good. It's an escape! It's a way to get out of this fucking constant pain.
I want to cry. Every morning I wake up like this I want to cry. I want to stay in bed, stay unconcious. I don't want to face the world. I don't want to do anything that involves moving. Moving makes it worse. But I get up, I go about my day, I'm not sunshine, ha, no, but I do it. Why? Becuase I have to. Because if I don't I won't have a life. Bills have to get paid, things have to get done. I can't let the pain rule my life.
Sometimes I think people don't understand how I could be in pain becuase I do just that. I get up and I keep going. Perhaps if they knew both sides of me. If they saw what I was like on days when I'm dealing with the pain, when I'm miserable, and it takes every once of my will just to put on a wane smile and keep moving. If they saw what I was like when the pain was gone, when I smile, joke, and almost bounce around with energy and happiness. If they could just see the outward difference maybe, just maybe, they could beleive something was different inside, from my perspective too.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Koolhaas Pt. 1 (the rant)
I'm a terrible updater, I admit it. But a whole lot of nothing's been going on. Just life. I'm working a little. A very little right now. I'm looking for work, daily. I visit my man whenever I can. At this point it really does feel like I spend almost as much time at his place as I do at home. In fact, his place does feel like home. I call it home without thinking about it, so it must feel like home. He feels like home, I think that's the key. I'm so happy to have him. I know that's mushy, and I hate mushy, but it really is true - all the time I feel my luck at having found him, at his being mine. :D
Ok, enough with the mushy! I blame it on the late hour, and the rumbling in my tummy - makes it harder to think. Yeah, that's it. ha.
I haven't been knitting much lately. Well, up until about a week ago I was knitting like a fiend. I wanted to make myself a Koolhaas hat. I even bought the pattern! That's something for me, usually I would have just winged it and tried to figure it out on my own, or do something of my own concocting, but I actually liked the pattern so well I paid $4.50 US for it. It's a damn good thing I liked it too! I ended up knitting the hat about 3 times. I knit the top 5 times, it'll be 6 by the time all is said and done actually.
Never being one to follow a pattern exactly, I decided I wanted a very warm hat, but I also wanted that hat to be the Koolhaas hat. It's not a cold weather hat. So I doubled up some gorgous teal alpaca that I had in my stash, and used that. This meant I was knitting on 6mm needles, and therefore not able to follow the pattern in terms of CO stitches or numbers of repeats.
I CO 80 stitches, knowing the yarn in the Koolhaas pattern had stretch. I did three repeats then began the decreasing for the top. I tried it on and realised right away it was WAY too short! It barely covered the tops of my ears! Disgusted, I ripped it off my head.
I like a hat much longer than that, so I frogged the top, and re-knit it, this time with four repeats. When I tried it on again I learned two things to my utter dismay: it was definitely way too tight and about 1-1.5 inches too tall!! It was so tight in fact it gave me a headache! Yes, I'd tried it on while it was on the needles, I knew it was a little tight, but I had no idea it would be as tight as it was!
I frogged the hat to the point where I thought the decreasing would start - for someone with a 19 inch head (3 repeats for those keeping score). Neda helped me on that part as she has a 19 inch head.
I must note: when Neda saw the hat she fell in love, when she touched it she became enraptured. It's gorgeous in design, colour and execution (even if I do say so myself), soft, warm, in short (or is this long?) it's everything a hat should be.
Neda convinced me to go with the plan I was leaning towards: leaving this hat on the needles and making myself another with the other two balls of this lovely alpaca yarn I had in my stash. I have to give credit where credit is due, this was not my idea, it was Chris', and after all the work I'd put into the hat thus far I was really very hesitant to frog it completely.
The plan was modified to include a contingency and a recipient of the smaller hat. I would knit myself a hat, and if/when I would need more yarn, as I was sure I would, I would take said yarn from the ball attached to the smaller hat. If and only if there was enough yarn left over would I finish the hat. In the case of being able to finish the smaller hat (very likely as there was a good bit of yarn left over with 3 repeats), it would go to Neda. We just have to agree not to wear it at the same time. ha. A condition she easily agreed to, happy at the prospect of the lovely hat being hers. Yay plan - everyone's happy!
So, I cast on again, this time with 88 stitches. This time I knit 3.5 repeats, knowing that would be the magic number for my head size. I got about half way through the decreasing when I realised, to my utter dismay, I'd seriously fucked up the pattern a few rows back and the only solution was to go back to the beginning. I actually think I fucked up row 2 but managed not to realise until row 6. The only solution was to rip it out and go back to row one, as ripping this hat had proved...problematic. I knit the top again, and again I fucked up, this time about row 7, and had to go back to row 5. I need to stop watching new, well 'new to me' episodes of CSI:Miami while knitting! I so wasn't paying good enough attention, obviously.
Finally I got the dang thing finished. I was so frustrated, and so.. relieved to have it done. It was satisfying in a kind of stubborn, "I beat you!" kind of way. I immediately had to show if off to my parents. ha. In a very childish/proud "Look what I made!"kinda way. Even my Pa was impressed. I could tell cause he asked all surprised, "Did you make this?" Why, yes, yes I did. And I have the journey of frustration to prove it! ha.
My new hat is currently in use, as in it's taken the place of my light-weight bright pink beret as my hat of choice. Sadly, it's not as warm as I'd hoped it would be, and I'm not really sure why. I can't imagine that I knit it too lose, the 6mm needles seemed perfect, but I tell you what, a lot of wind gets through, a lot more than I thought would. Perhaps that's a result of it being 88 sts instead of the truly perfect 84 stitches in diameter. 84 just wouldn't have worked with the pattern. So on well.
It really is a lovely hat though. I am so in love with the colour, design and even the yarn choice. It's gorgeous and I think it looks great on me. I have yet to get a picture of me wearing it though. I'm too busy being out in the world actually wearing it to model it. ha.
I do have some pictures of the finished product. On my camera. At home. In Hamilton. Currently being in Toronto at my Chris' they are doing me no good. I forgot to offload them, so I will have to post them later. But I will. Oh, I will. I worked way too hard on this hat not to show it off!
I did have a point, other than the knitting story, way back there: all this knitting has made my right wrist (the one with carpal tunnel syndrome) really sore. That is exactly why I've not finished Neda's hat. I will though. I'm just not too sure when.
Ok, enough with the mushy! I blame it on the late hour, and the rumbling in my tummy - makes it harder to think. Yeah, that's it. ha.
I haven't been knitting much lately. Well, up until about a week ago I was knitting like a fiend. I wanted to make myself a Koolhaas hat. I even bought the pattern! That's something for me, usually I would have just winged it and tried to figure it out on my own, or do something of my own concocting, but I actually liked the pattern so well I paid $4.50 US for it. It's a damn good thing I liked it too! I ended up knitting the hat about 3 times. I knit the top 5 times, it'll be 6 by the time all is said and done actually.
Never being one to follow a pattern exactly, I decided I wanted a very warm hat, but I also wanted that hat to be the Koolhaas hat. It's not a cold weather hat. So I doubled up some gorgous teal alpaca that I had in my stash, and used that. This meant I was knitting on 6mm needles, and therefore not able to follow the pattern in terms of CO stitches or numbers of repeats.
I CO 80 stitches, knowing the yarn in the Koolhaas pattern had stretch. I did three repeats then began the decreasing for the top. I tried it on and realised right away it was WAY too short! It barely covered the tops of my ears! Disgusted, I ripped it off my head.
I like a hat much longer than that, so I frogged the top, and re-knit it, this time with four repeats. When I tried it on again I learned two things to my utter dismay: it was definitely way too tight and about 1-1.5 inches too tall!! It was so tight in fact it gave me a headache! Yes, I'd tried it on while it was on the needles, I knew it was a little tight, but I had no idea it would be as tight as it was!
I frogged the hat to the point where I thought the decreasing would start - for someone with a 19 inch head (3 repeats for those keeping score). Neda helped me on that part as she has a 19 inch head.
I must note: when Neda saw the hat she fell in love, when she touched it she became enraptured. It's gorgeous in design, colour and execution (even if I do say so myself), soft, warm, in short (or is this long?) it's everything a hat should be.
Neda convinced me to go with the plan I was leaning towards: leaving this hat on the needles and making myself another with the other two balls of this lovely alpaca yarn I had in my stash. I have to give credit where credit is due, this was not my idea, it was Chris', and after all the work I'd put into the hat thus far I was really very hesitant to frog it completely.
The plan was modified to include a contingency and a recipient of the smaller hat. I would knit myself a hat, and if/when I would need more yarn, as I was sure I would, I would take said yarn from the ball attached to the smaller hat. If and only if there was enough yarn left over would I finish the hat. In the case of being able to finish the smaller hat (very likely as there was a good bit of yarn left over with 3 repeats), it would go to Neda. We just have to agree not to wear it at the same time. ha. A condition she easily agreed to, happy at the prospect of the lovely hat being hers. Yay plan - everyone's happy!
So, I cast on again, this time with 88 stitches. This time I knit 3.5 repeats, knowing that would be the magic number for my head size. I got about half way through the decreasing when I realised, to my utter dismay, I'd seriously fucked up the pattern a few rows back and the only solution was to go back to the beginning. I actually think I fucked up row 2 but managed not to realise until row 6. The only solution was to rip it out and go back to row one, as ripping this hat had proved...problematic. I knit the top again, and again I fucked up, this time about row 7, and had to go back to row 5. I need to stop watching new, well 'new to me' episodes of CSI:Miami while knitting! I so wasn't paying good enough attention, obviously.
Finally I got the dang thing finished. I was so frustrated, and so.. relieved to have it done. It was satisfying in a kind of stubborn, "I beat you!" kind of way. I immediately had to show if off to my parents. ha. In a very childish/proud "Look what I made!"kinda way. Even my Pa was impressed. I could tell cause he asked all surprised, "Did you make this?" Why, yes, yes I did. And I have the journey of frustration to prove it! ha.
My new hat is currently in use, as in it's taken the place of my light-weight bright pink beret as my hat of choice. Sadly, it's not as warm as I'd hoped it would be, and I'm not really sure why. I can't imagine that I knit it too lose, the 6mm needles seemed perfect, but I tell you what, a lot of wind gets through, a lot more than I thought would. Perhaps that's a result of it being 88 sts instead of the truly perfect 84 stitches in diameter. 84 just wouldn't have worked with the pattern. So on well.
It really is a lovely hat though. I am so in love with the colour, design and even the yarn choice. It's gorgeous and I think it looks great on me. I have yet to get a picture of me wearing it though. I'm too busy being out in the world actually wearing it to model it. ha.
I do have some pictures of the finished product. On my camera. At home. In Hamilton. Currently being in Toronto at my Chris' they are doing me no good. I forgot to offload them, so I will have to post them later. But I will. Oh, I will. I worked way too hard on this hat not to show it off!
I did have a point, other than the knitting story, way back there: all this knitting has made my right wrist (the one with carpal tunnel syndrome) really sore. That is exactly why I've not finished Neda's hat. I will though. I'm just not too sure when.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Cocnut Cake!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't is just lovely? I'm just so impressed with it myself. I mean, this was the very first time I've ever made a cake! And this is a four layer cake, from scratch! Not only did it look good, it also tasted damn good too. Yay. heehee.
Some process shots:
1) The cut layers
Two coconut cakes, very moist, very dense. I was amazed that I managed to cut them so evently without a guide!
2) The 7-minute icing
This icing sure was a workout for my arm. If you don't think 7 minutes is long, try holding up a hand mixer and mixing that long, not so easy! It turned out well I think. Though sadly, it didn't stay moist, not sure why.
3) The layers being icinged
(Is icinged even a word? oh well) It sure was hard to tell how thick the layer of icing was! Worked out ok though.
4) Done! (and getting measured)
Chris was so impressed with the coconut cake and it's height, he just had to measure it. 4.5 inches high is pretty dang good for a cake I'd say.
5) Done! (and sititng in Chris' fridge)
I am a bit of a nighthawk, and I tend to do almost all my baking at night. By the time the coconut cake was done, it was rather late and we were both tired, so it went into Chris' fridge. We restrianed ourselves and had it for desert after dinner the next day.
Lovely isn't it? I think it looks a good deal like the orginal. Yay me!
Better than looking good, it really did taste good. Oh so good. Chris and I ate half that cake in 2 days. *blush* This would by why I took it home and have been trying to pawn it off onto family and friends. If I'd left it there I'm sure he would have eaten it. Not that I could blame him! It really is damn good cake.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Trip to the Zoo
Chris and I decided to boycott, or rather ignore Valentines Day. Neither of us like the idea of being forced into something that wasn't our idea in the first place, and that's just what this over-commercialized holiday feels like. There is also the sleezy, misogynistic overtones that displease us both (buy her something pretty and expensive and she'll sleep with you).
Anyway, enough about the unpleasant! On to the pleasant business of our trip.
I've never been to the zoo in winter. Chris had suggested it a couple weeks ago and the 14th was the first day the weather permitted. We left early, took the subway to a bus, got a little lost, but managed to get there all the same. We were actually one of a handful of late 20s early 30s couples that had chosen the Zoo that day.
Now I have to make a confession: I'm terrible about taking pictures; I almost never do.
I did manage to take a few pictures though. I wish I had gotten some pictures of the wild Mongolian Horses though, they were having a ball running around in the snow and freaking out the Canadian Geese that had taken up residense in their space. ha. That was just priceless.
One of our mutal favourites was the African fish. There is a lake, I can't remember the name, that has more than 700 species of fish in it! They were so colourful and beautiful.
I was also thrilled to see the meerkats. I just love them. I think they are so damn adorable.
They seemed really fascinated by the snow, and were totally ignoring me to stare out their windows at the white stuff.
Another cool group of mammals were the Asiatic Wild Dogs. They were very pretty, and looked like large foxes, we both thought so.
They were also staring us down like we were dinner! I mean hard staring here people. (click through to flicker to see what I mean) They were also standing on this rock on the edge of their space looking out at us. Chris said they were guaging the distance, to see if they could jump and get out to eat us. They really looked intent on it actually. The eating us bit anyway. Very strange feeling. I tried to get a picture of that, but as soon as the camera came out they weren't so intersted.
I've saved the coolest bit for last: we got to see the Boa eating his dinner!!! It was so so cool! I've never seen a snake eat before. It was so cool.
Chris said I earned girlfriend points for not getting all girlie and freaking about the snake eating. He was very proud of me. I'm sure I lost some points with the African cockroaches and millipedes. I just... I do not like bugs. But at least I did't scream or squeal. Just a little squeak, and I turned my head resolutely. The tarantuals were cool though. For some reason they don't freak me out. Perhaps because they are so big and furry? I'm really not sure.
Anyway, enough about the unpleasant! On to the pleasant business of our trip.
I've never been to the zoo in winter. Chris had suggested it a couple weeks ago and the 14th was the first day the weather permitted. We left early, took the subway to a bus, got a little lost, but managed to get there all the same. We were actually one of a handful of late 20s early 30s couples that had chosen the Zoo that day.
Now I have to make a confession: I'm terrible about taking pictures; I almost never do.
I did manage to take a few pictures though. I wish I had gotten some pictures of the wild Mongolian Horses though, they were having a ball running around in the snow and freaking out the Canadian Geese that had taken up residense in their space. ha. That was just priceless.
One of our mutal favourites was the African fish. There is a lake, I can't remember the name, that has more than 700 species of fish in it! They were so colourful and beautiful.
I was also thrilled to see the meerkats. I just love them. I think they are so damn adorable.
They seemed really fascinated by the snow, and were totally ignoring me to stare out their windows at the white stuff.
Another cool group of mammals were the Asiatic Wild Dogs. They were very pretty, and looked like large foxes, we both thought so.
They were also staring us down like we were dinner! I mean hard staring here people. (click through to flicker to see what I mean) They were also standing on this rock on the edge of their space looking out at us. Chris said they were guaging the distance, to see if they could jump and get out to eat us. They really looked intent on it actually. The eating us bit anyway. Very strange feeling. I tried to get a picture of that, but as soon as the camera came out they weren't so intersted.
I've saved the coolest bit for last: we got to see the Boa eating his dinner!!! It was so so cool! I've never seen a snake eat before. It was so cool.
Chris said I earned girlfriend points for not getting all girlie and freaking about the snake eating. He was very proud of me. I'm sure I lost some points with the African cockroaches and millipedes. I just... I do not like bugs. But at least I did't scream or squeal. Just a little squeak, and I turned my head resolutely. The tarantuals were cool though. For some reason they don't freak me out. Perhaps because they are so big and furry? I'm really not sure.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Late Night Posting
Since I'm up and can't sleep, I figured I might as well post as not.
On the knitty front I'm almost half-way done my current project, or rather the one that's getting all my attention: A Klein Bottle tea cosy, of my own design. It's for my dear man's brother. I was tickled pink to learn, when spending time with him and Chris Christmas eve, that he was not only geeky enough to know what a Klein bottle was, but was actually geeky enough to get excited about the prospect of someone knitting one for him! heh. So here I am making a tea cosy in a nice superwash wool in dark green. I guesstimated the yarn requirement badly though, and will have to go back and get another ball. Doh. That's what I get for not wanting someone else to have to pay for yarn they might not need. Lesson learned: it's just always a good idea to get one ball extra!
On the health front I've been to see a Neuropathology specialist on account of my regularly losing feeling in my fingers and hands, especially my right hand. When I went to my GP he said that a) I likely have arthritis in a disc in my neck which was causing part of the trouble and b) I could very well have carpal tunnel. So off to see a specialist I went, after having x-rays done to make sure it wasn't just my neck, of course. I have to say Dr. Derby was thee nicest doctor I have ever visited! He has just excellent bedside manner. He was so friendly, kind, gentle, and professionally helpful. What a pleasure. His secretary was equally nice. I wish all doctor visits could be so congenial. Anyway, the point: I do in fact have carpal tunnel in my right wrist. My left is fine now, but might develop it later (as in years from now) as that is common amongst his patients, he said. The treatment is surgery. Ack. It's elective at least, but I have to have it within the year he said, otherwise I'll be causing myself permanent nerve damage. He's arranged for me to see a Dr. Patterson, who "does very nice work", as he put it. His secretary will call me in a few weeks once she's booked an appointment for me.
I'm thinking of waiting until the summer to get it done, or at least the spring. Dr. Derby said golfers tend to book it in the winter for convenience. I'm a knitter, 'knitting season' is when it's cold outside. I don't want to lose the rest of this season if I don't have to! Chris and my mom think I should just have it done now and get it over with. So this is definitely something I want to discuss with the surgeon, i.e. recovery time, special treatment after surgery, how it will effect my work (both my current retail or future hopefully bank-related work), etc.
I have to say, working retail and therefore being completely without benefits, I'm really glad to live in Canada, and Ontario for that matter. Our Health Care system may leave much to be desired, but not having to worry about how on god's green earth I'm going to pay for this surgery is really, well, just wonderful. All I'll have to pay for is any meds I'll need during recovery. And really, considering my total lack of income, that's just aces.
On the jobbery front, speaking of, no actual movement. Still working very part time, but at least it's a wee bit of money coming in. Better than nothing that's for sure. Need to get my ass in gear. I think this is why I've been having so many nightmares lately. I'm trying to avoid what scares me (the job hunting thing really freaks me out), so this fear and avoidance are manifesting themselves in my dreams. Hence the chasing, and entrapment, and other scary-ass stuff.
On the domestic front I made pizza (from scratch) for Chris and I today. Very yummy, even if I do say so myself. We totally pigged out. It's about 6 hours later now and I'm only just feeling a little peckish (usually I need to eat every 4 hours). So yay me. heh. I'm also obsessing about Coconut cake ever since seeing the Good Eats episode for it. It just looks so damn yummy. I MUST make one. Trouble is, if I make it here at Chris' we will for sure eat the whole thing, and really, two people shouldn't eat that much cake. Sooo.. I need to find me a reason/occasion to make such a cake, like the gang getting together or something. My other thought is just to make a mini-cake. That would require mini-pans, but if I were to make it at Chris' place I would need pans anyway, as he doesn't have cake pans. And really, the mini-pans could come in handy. They'd allow me to make cakes for the two of us without the worry of us being total gluttons. I do love to bake after all. I'm all domestic like that, don't you know.
On the social front it feels like I haven't seen my friends in ages. I think the last time I saw most of the gang was at Bob's band's gig on the 27th of January. So not that long ago at all really. It just feels like it. Probably because I haven't even had much of a chance to talk to any of them since. Nor really that night seeing as we were all in the loud club and such. We haven't had a good get together since the weekend before that. Maybe I just miss my Neda... We need to hang out, we haven't done that in ages. I would happily hang out with all the girls though, we need a good clucking night. Yes, we sit around like hens and cluck. That's our thing. But really, what else do girls do when they get together but cluck? ;)
On the knitty front I'm almost half-way done my current project, or rather the one that's getting all my attention: A Klein Bottle tea cosy, of my own design. It's for my dear man's brother. I was tickled pink to learn, when spending time with him and Chris Christmas eve, that he was not only geeky enough to know what a Klein bottle was, but was actually geeky enough to get excited about the prospect of someone knitting one for him! heh. So here I am making a tea cosy in a nice superwash wool in dark green. I guesstimated the yarn requirement badly though, and will have to go back and get another ball. Doh. That's what I get for not wanting someone else to have to pay for yarn they might not need. Lesson learned: it's just always a good idea to get one ball extra!
On the health front I've been to see a Neuropathology specialist on account of my regularly losing feeling in my fingers and hands, especially my right hand. When I went to my GP he said that a) I likely have arthritis in a disc in my neck which was causing part of the trouble and b) I could very well have carpal tunnel. So off to see a specialist I went, after having x-rays done to make sure it wasn't just my neck, of course. I have to say Dr. Derby was thee nicest doctor I have ever visited! He has just excellent bedside manner. He was so friendly, kind, gentle, and professionally helpful. What a pleasure. His secretary was equally nice. I wish all doctor visits could be so congenial. Anyway, the point: I do in fact have carpal tunnel in my right wrist. My left is fine now, but might develop it later (as in years from now) as that is common amongst his patients, he said. The treatment is surgery. Ack. It's elective at least, but I have to have it within the year he said, otherwise I'll be causing myself permanent nerve damage. He's arranged for me to see a Dr. Patterson, who "does very nice work", as he put it. His secretary will call me in a few weeks once she's booked an appointment for me.
I'm thinking of waiting until the summer to get it done, or at least the spring. Dr. Derby said golfers tend to book it in the winter for convenience. I'm a knitter, 'knitting season' is when it's cold outside. I don't want to lose the rest of this season if I don't have to! Chris and my mom think I should just have it done now and get it over with. So this is definitely something I want to discuss with the surgeon, i.e. recovery time, special treatment after surgery, how it will effect my work (both my current retail or future hopefully bank-related work), etc.
I have to say, working retail and therefore being completely without benefits, I'm really glad to live in Canada, and Ontario for that matter. Our Health Care system may leave much to be desired, but not having to worry about how on god's green earth I'm going to pay for this surgery is really, well, just wonderful. All I'll have to pay for is any meds I'll need during recovery. And really, considering my total lack of income, that's just aces.
On the jobbery front, speaking of, no actual movement. Still working very part time, but at least it's a wee bit of money coming in. Better than nothing that's for sure. Need to get my ass in gear. I think this is why I've been having so many nightmares lately. I'm trying to avoid what scares me (the job hunting thing really freaks me out), so this fear and avoidance are manifesting themselves in my dreams. Hence the chasing, and entrapment, and other scary-ass stuff.
On the domestic front I made pizza (from scratch) for Chris and I today. Very yummy, even if I do say so myself. We totally pigged out. It's about 6 hours later now and I'm only just feeling a little peckish (usually I need to eat every 4 hours). So yay me. heh. I'm also obsessing about Coconut cake ever since seeing the Good Eats episode for it. It just looks so damn yummy. I MUST make one. Trouble is, if I make it here at Chris' we will for sure eat the whole thing, and really, two people shouldn't eat that much cake. Sooo.. I need to find me a reason/occasion to make such a cake, like the gang getting together or something. My other thought is just to make a mini-cake. That would require mini-pans, but if I were to make it at Chris' place I would need pans anyway, as he doesn't have cake pans. And really, the mini-pans could come in handy. They'd allow me to make cakes for the two of us without the worry of us being total gluttons. I do love to bake after all. I'm all domestic like that, don't you know.
On the social front it feels like I haven't seen my friends in ages. I think the last time I saw most of the gang was at Bob's band's gig on the 27th of January. So not that long ago at all really. It just feels like it. Probably because I haven't even had much of a chance to talk to any of them since. Nor really that night seeing as we were all in the loud club and such. We haven't had a good get together since the weekend before that. Maybe I just miss my Neda... We need to hang out, we haven't done that in ages. I would happily hang out with all the girls though, we need a good clucking night. Yes, we sit around like hens and cluck. That's our thing. But really, what else do girls do when they get together but cluck? ;)
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