Wedding Dress!

Just a quick post, cause I couldn't wait any longer, and just had to share.

I got pictures of me in my dress from my mom, only I got physical pictures! So, not knowing what else to do, I took pictures of the pictures. heh. Hence the crappy image quality. But still... my dress! yay!



Lisa Van Hattem is amazing! She's also a tiny woman; I swear I'm not half ogre!



I love it so much! I can't wait until August 16th when I get to try it on again. Though in a way, I wish that was months away. I really want to be smaller by then.. but... even if I did have months it's not that likely I'd be able to lose any weight. *sigh* I hate being this size, even my face is round! Bah. Oh well.

Pain

Ive had a constant headache for about a week now, just over. It's really wearing down my tiny reserve of.....fight - the ability to endure pain, and keep going. I haven't kept going at all. I spend a great deal of time sleeping, and yet I'm always tired. I do the bare minimum, and some days not even that.

It's been awhile since I've been in such constant scream-inducing pain. I'm not taking it well at all. I know part of it is the weather, it's been so unsettled lately. Part of it is the pony tails. It's been so damn hot and humid, I've been wearing my hair back, it's cooler and gets my damn hair off my skin. Makes me crazy to have my hair sticking to me. But my stupid head is soooooo sensitive that almost as soon as I put the pony tail in I get a headache. Part of it too, is my inactivity/weight. I know from experience, at least the last time I was this size, I had headaches constantly. Even when I started being more active it literally took months and much weight loss, for them to get any better at all.

I know that if I work out, and do it every day that I'll eventually loose weight, and eventually the headaches will become less and less. But that's a hell of a lot easier said than done!! It's hard enough for a relatively healthy person, it feels totally impossible for me. I live with chronic debilitating pain, not just severe headaches, but body aches and pains that never really leave, nausea that makes me terrified to move lest I vomit, and the depression that comes with this kind of living. I don't know how to fight all of that. I mean, for me, it's it's not one thing it's another.

I didn't go anywhere yesterday because I was terrified my right knee was going to give out on me again, as it kept doing the night before. It still doesn't feel right when I stand on it. It truly scares me, what if I go somewhere, and can't get home? What if I randomly fall over screaming while walking down the street?? Cause that's the level of pain I'm talking about. I couldn't stop myself from screaming when it gave out. I was trying not to worry Chris, but I couldn't help myself, there was no thought, there was only the wrenching, searing pain.

Before this, I was all sore and yeasty. Women will understand, men will not. When you're yeasty, it hurts, when you walk, your vulva move, and holy fuck does it hurt. I was not in any mood to be causing myself more pain, thank you very much.

And the reason I was all yeasty was I was dealing with a UTI that had me bent in double with abdominal pains. Yeah. Not fun. It took days to get any where near better.

And before that it was a sinus infection. A sinus infection I lived with for nine weeks because I didn't want to deal with the month of yeast I knew was coming with the antibiotics. And it ended up being six fucking weeks of yeast. Grr. Yeah. Not cool. I really hate antibiotics.

I just.. I don't have any fight left in me. I don't. It's all gone. Used up. There's nothing left but the pain. It's won. I have no gumption left to fight it. I just want to curl up in a ball and scream.

Tallship Photos

Last night I was going through the many photos I took during my two visits to see the Tallships at Toronto's Harbourfront. I edited the ones I liked best into 4x6 pictures so I could have them printed - I thought my parents would get a kick out of seeing them. And I mean, what's the point of pictures really if you don't get them printed?

Although there was 60 pictures I thought I'd print when I started editing, there was somehow, only about 30 when I was done. I do not know how this works, I honestly didn't think I was nixing half so many! There were a few though, that I really, really liked. Enough that I wanted to display them around my home. Until I realised we have no where to display them. We don't have any holes in our walls - we aren't allowed, and we have precious little space for putting things as it is. Then I thought about my Pa, and how he just took over my old bedroom, and has lots of space. I also really wanted to print the pictures in the first place because I thought he specifically would like them.

So... I'm thinking of printing three 5x7s, buying in one of those 3-in-1 frames for them, and gifting them to my Pa. I'm not even totally sure he'd like it... I mean, I don't have any photographic talent. I'm not even sure I have an eye for the finished product. But if I get the frame from the dollar store, then I've not expended too much money if he does't like it; I'll only be risking my feelings. Bah, I'm so emo!

Anyway, my real point in all this, is I can't pick 3! Doh. There are 5 that I really quite like. But I think giving him all 5 might be a bit much.

One


Two


Three


Four


Five


Oddly enough there are only 3 ships represented here, as you can likely tell. Two each are of the Bounty and the Europa. I guess I just really liked the lines of those ships.

I was thinking of having the colour photos on either end of the frame, and picking one of the black and whites to go in the middle. Although I love #1, it's way too close to #3 to work in a 3 picture frame I think. If I did all the B&Ws together, that would look good but I don't think Pa is a B&W fan. So.. it's really down to #2 and #5. I just don't know which I like better/would work better. That is of course unless someone out there has a better idea?? Or should I just nix the whole thing? I feel very......self-conscious about gifting someone photos I took, like my ego is way bigger than it should be. But I really like them, and I think he might like them too. Bah.... Help! Please!

Ear rings from my Future-Mother-In-Law

They're here! Squee! So pretty.



I really really like them. Even though they were stupidly expensive. Oh well. Still. Pretty!!



A friend of mine gave me some pointers on how to compose pictures so they're more pleasing. So simple, but wow what a difference. Suddenly my pictures are stunning, if I do say so myself.



Just look at that sparkle!



Is it weird that I'm more in love with them now that I've taken pretty pictures of them, than I was yesterday when they came? Yesterday was also soured by the brokerage fees I had to pay COD. o.0 But we won't talk about that!

Pretty! So very pretty! Lab created rubies, and cubic zirconia. Rubies being my birthstone. And seeing as I'm wearing a red dress for the wedding, I thought these would go smashingly. :D Now I just have to figure out what I'm doing for the rest of my jewellry. heh.

Vacation!

'Cause, you know, my life of housewifery is just so taxing. o.0 Nah, hardly, but even so, everyone needs a change of scene once in awhile!

A friend of mine asked if I'd like to join her in going to her dad's cottage for a few days this week. So excited! Lake! There will be a lake! woo hoo! Yes, yes, the lake, the swimming, the water is totally the highlight for me. Hopefully there will be good company, Morgan is a wonderful young lady, I'm sure that's covered, good food, and good weather - it's supposed to be warm, though rainy from Wednesday on. I'm okay with that, as long as it's still warm! Swimming in the rain is fun! You know, when there isn't chance of thunder and lightening. Canoeing in the rain likely not the best idea however. heh. But should be fun! I'm so stupid excited! It's likely why I didn't sleep so well last night. I was thinking of having a nap now, but, I'm too excited. My tummy is all upset/nervous-like. It's silly really, but there it is.

I'm bringing my camera, so hopefully there will be some kind of pictures to show for it!

Tall Ships!

I just realised I never shared my Canada Day adventures! I went with my friend Kat, and a group of her friends to see the Tall Ships at the Harbourfront here in Toronto. So cool! Kat and I went, just the two of us on Saturday too. We were there for five hours Saturday! I'm so incredibly impressed with myself! I mean, I have fibro, is seriously slows me down, and limits what I can do. Sure, I was exhausted when I got home, but I did it! And two days later I'm not bed ridden, though I am still tired. To me, this is awesome.

Anyway, enough talk! Here's the ships! (I have more pictures from Saturday, but I haven't had a chance to edit & upload them yet).


This was my favourite ship. The Europa, I beleive. It was from the Netherlands, that much I know for sure. Such a beautiful ship!


I love love love this image. Just what I think a tall ship should be!


Proof I was there!


The Bounty!


Repairs while in port.


The Bounty's Figurehead, isn't she neat?


The Bounty's wee cannons. Aw.


And here's the big cannon on the Niagara. Now that's a cannon!


On the deck of a little schooner, looking at the other, bigger ships.

Every ship had gang planks you had to walk up. Many had railings as they were just that high or steep. And I walked up (and then back down) every single one! I went up every steep stair case and down every hole into the underbellies(when we were allowed). I am so proud of myself! I'm afraid of heights you see, and a bit claustrophobic. But I did it! I was nervous, but not even that scared! Except for the Bounty, it's gang plank was really steep, that one made me a little scared, but I did it! Heck, I did it twice, cause we went two days! Go me! :D

Anyway, I really enjoyed hanging out with Kat, seeing the ships, and being by the water, it was great. And I'm so very glad I have pictures to show for it! I really need to start taking more pictures. I do like having them. I'm thinking to print some of the ones I took of the ships to bring them home to show my parents, I think they'd get a kick out of them.

Wedding Stationery!

I'm in the process of addressing invites for our wedding, and I waned to show off our wedding stationery.

I bought the invite cards, RSVPs and STD magnets from vistaprint.com. I bought the writing paper through Kurt Hursley's website some time ago, and felt this was the perfect chance to use it. I love his work, and was thrilled to finally be able to use this paper, so cute.



I know the writing paper doesn't match, but I think it all works together regardless. I didn't want matchy-matchy anyway. It's all kinda cute, and it's all very me. So oh well. I love it. I think it's great.

The writing paper has lines on it, and I was able to line it up with the typewriter font I picked really easily!! So awesome, as I was worried it would be a nightmare, but no!

Everything turned out JUST how I wanted it, so I'm super proud. Yay!

I really hope my guests/invitees like them. I tried to at least print everything big enough that it was all easy to read. I know not everyone has my aesthetic, but it's always rewarding when people like your work, ya know? Regardless of whatever comments I get or don't, I'm thrilled with them, and seeing as I picked everything to please me, this is important. Just so very pleased! Go team me! heehee.